Well, hello there. It is Monday, and it is time to bring you another backstory from one of our Season 2 characters; Riptor. Well, technically the clock on my laptop says 12:29am, but I am sitting 30,000 feet in the air, sipping on my adult beverage of choice, trying to not pay attention to the fact that my airplane is dancing across the sky…violently.
Since we’re being technical, let’s continue that trend, shall we? Ignoring this turbulence as best I can, my mind is focused on home, where it is currently still Monday night, and approaching the late hours of the night. Still, again, Monday. In my mind that counts! We managed to publish on Monday.
Riptor’s story was just delivered to my inbox minutes ago (on Monday, might I add), so that means it’s time to pass it your way!
Check out the Riptor’s full backstory here: http://www.ultra-combo.com/you-and-your-riptor-unit
Still technically in by Monday! Woo!
Time for juicy Riptor lore.
Love the marketing style for the Ultratech characters. Riptor’s is too fun, with all the comments from executives editing it.
I love seeing UltraTech act like scummy business people. Shows that they’re more than just a spooky company with a killer robot; they’re also genuinely concerned for their companies stock.
Lost it at “Yes, They’ll Actually Fetch A Car”
We need to publish an official Riptor guide. These chapter names are just too intriguing.
Chapter 3: Nap Time
Chapter 4: What to Do If You See an Egg
Chapter 5: Fun Places to Take Your Riptor
Chapter 6: Dino-mites (Hide Infestations)
Chapter 7: The Liability Insurance Blues
Chapter 8: How to Housebreak Your Riptor in 14 Days
Chapter 9: Yes, They’ll Actually Fetch a Car
Chapter 10: From Egg to Engagement: The Soul of a Living Machine
Chapter 11: Cleanup Time
Chapter 12: 101 Riptor Tricks
Chapter 13: Clicker Training the Safe Way
Chapter 14: Fast Tourniquet Techniques
I love it
Lol, have a safe trip rukizzel!
This was great lol I like that it was in the same style and humor as Fulgore’s but still managed to fit some back story in it. Riptors seem high maintenance lol “4.5 dismemberments” I lost it lmao
Also, the link at the end of the story leads to a page that doesn’t exist
Great story! Can’t wait for the pax recap tomorrow! Will next week bring Omen or Aganos?
I like that you took the time to get it in by Monday technically.
The story was pretty funny, the interaction of Marketing (I’m guessing) and Legal was a nice addition. I hope we get the rest of the chapters finished though, they sound really entertaining.
“Respect: Your Riptor has human DNA, so she’s very smart. Always speak to her in a respectful manner because she most likely knows exactly what you’re talking about, even though she does not have the capacity to respond.”
Something about this line made my heart skip a beat. Not sure why though…
“So stay back and always be on your toes. Or you might get them ripped off your limbs. [UTL: This entire section needs to be cut. Sets UT up for a major lawsuit and creates an indelible and negative image of maimed Riptor owners hopping around on one foot. We’ve already had enough trouble with the Fulgore Mark 03 Field Manual-L class action suit fiasco.]”
Wouldn’t knowingly underplaying an obvious threat leave the company far more liable?
Anyways, this is great reading material! I don’t know if this is the tech geek or the KI fan in me talking but - are you guys going to post the rest of the chapters for this manual?
This fictional story has been approved by Galactic Geek.
Emphasize the fun of scrubbing the Riptor’s tailparts…“It’s just like grooming a pony, blah blah, etc.”]
dude… omg hahahahhaahha the best story!!
I love the humor. The fact that Riptor units have the brain capacity of a human’s is scary. They could possibly ■■■■■ around with any poor fool they hunt just for amusement! O_O
LOL I will totally buy a Riptor unit if I could groom it like a pony.
LMAO at Chapter 14: Tourniquet Techniques
Haha love it!
looks to me like someone already tried to sue Ultratech about the Fulgore unit issue. Lol
As for Riptor that was pretty hilarious, I loved it.
If you ever played against me you’ll find my Riptor thinks quite highly >:3
If only someone here is brave enough to create a video/audio version of this backstory. Would make an interesting/hilarious infomercial…
I like that the Tourniquet Techniques, arguably the most time sensitive and important chapter, is at the back of the book. Just like real life companies.
Guess that would make sense now. But what happened to the name “Stalker”!?
I like the bits about Riptor’s talons…
While the tail isn’t poisonous, the Riptor’s claw tips are teeming with microbes, [UTL: They’re focused plasma, actually. Cauterizes and sterilizes! A benefit!] and the slightest scratch can cause infections similar to flesh-eating bacteria.
I also like the info about her skin being like “organic chainmail,” and her weight being hinted at being around 1000 lbs (she’s a big girl!).
All in all, I’m not to interested in the humor, nor the general “user’s manual” format, but at least there are some nice “facts” about Riptor herself, and what she can do.